June 2015

259 286

MENTAL HEALTH
259 June15
THE RELOCATED
TEENAGER –
JAKE (13), NEW ZEALANDER
THE SCENARIO:
Jake came to Singapore with his parents
and his younger sister six months ago.
He didn’t want to come, and he doesn’t
like it here. He used to be the best runner
and the best rugby player in his rural
primary school; he was popular, top of
his class and he even had a girlfriend.
From being a big fish in a tiny Kiwi pond,
Alliance Professional
Counselling
#04-03 Cluny Court
501 Bukit Timah Road
6466 8120 |
3
Jake is now one of the youngest and
smallest pupils at one of Singapore’s
biggest international schools. He misses
his friends, his old school and the dog he
had to leave behind. Once confident and
outgoing, he now shows little interest in
schoolwork, making friends or going on
family outings. Instead, he spends hours
playing video games on Xbox.
THE PSYCHOLOGIST:
Clinical psychologist GISELAGUTTMAN
and registered psychologist KAROLINA
ISBERG of Alliance Professional
Counselling feel that Jake would
benefit from counselling. Often, in
their experience, teenagers feel more
comfortable talking to someone neutral
rather than to their own parents.
THE QUESTIONS:
What could Jake’s parents be
doing to help him?
It’s important for the family to do things
together and to talk about the new
situation – both looking for familiar
places and activities and discovering
the new city together. Instead of avoiding
difficult topics, they should talk about
what they all miss about New Zealand
and be open about how difficult a
relocation process can be for everyone.
Why are teenagers sometimes more
likely to open up to a third party?
Some don’t want to add more burden
and stress to their parents’ own
adaptation difficulties. Others feel so
angry with their parent that they need an
external outlet. If Jake and his parents
agree on counselling, however, it’s
important that they choose a counsellor
that he feels comfortable and safe with.
Are some children less suited to
the challenges associated with
relocating? What can parents
do in advance and during the
process to ease the transition?
We are all different when it comes to
relocation. But shy children, children
with learning disabilities and children
fromnon-English speaking backgrounds
tend to have a stronger reaction to the
change. That said, outgoing children
such as Jake can struggle with it, too.
Though adults of course make the big
decisions, it’s a good idea to keep the
children feeling involved and to allow
them to show any anger, nervousness
and insecurity as well as happiness and
excitement. Give them the opportunity
to say goodbye to friends and relatives
before they go. And as soon as possible,
try to establish a daily structure that feels
familiar and where home feels like a safe
place despite the changes.
Should Jake’s parents consider
moving him to a smaller school?
After a small local school, a big
international one can be daunting. But
before considering another school move,
his parents should find out from Jake
himself what his specific worries are and
what he would like to change. Then, for
example, they could talk to the school
about possible solutions, perhaps extra
tuition in a particular subject: this is often
necessary when changing from one
education system to another. A teacher
he has formed a good relationship with
might be helpful here.
On the positive side, the transitional
difficulties associated with relocation
should be seen as an opportunity
for personal growth, and the process
of adjusting to a new environment,
difficult as it may be, encourages the
development of flexibility and resilience.