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RELATIONSHIPS
149
April15
No one relocating to Singapore
expects their marriage to end in
divorce. So what happens when
the unthinkable occurs? DR
YVONNE McNULTY from
Expat
Research
explains how expats
navigate this intense situation
thousands of miles from home.
L
iving and working abroad can
take a toll on a marriage. While
most expats muddle their way
through the additional marital
stresses, some relationships don’t
survive. Whether divorce is related to
adultery, abuse, addiction or simply
growing apart, the consequences
can be harsh: homelessness, forced
repatriation, alienation from children,
anxiety disorders, depression and
suicide are all common outcomes.
Women tend to come out of an
expat divorce in worse shape than
their husbands. Typically, they are the
stay-at-home spouse with less access
to bank accounts, full-time employment
and legal advice. A recent study
on expat divorce revealed that the
participants’ biggest regret was not
knowing their legal rights. Nearly all
said they simply did not think it could
ever happen to them.
Here, the recent experiences of
two people shine a light on what can
happen.
J.L.
originally from the US; two children (attending a local school)
The situation:
My wife and I had been expats over a six-year period in
Hong Kong, India, and China with our two children (now aged nine and
seven). In 2009, while in China, she decided she didn’t want to be a wife
and mother anymore; I initiated relocation to Singapore in 2010 and filed
for divorce. I successfully applied for “care and control”, and we have
joint custody. I gave up my US citizenship in 2006 and am a Singapore
citizen, as are my two children.
Was expat life to blame?
Yes, though we did have a great time abroad.
But moving five times in six years became too much for my wife. She felt
disconnected from her social and support network. She wanted more
freedom.
Jurisdiction:
Singapore. As citizens, it was affordable and efficient.
Biggest regret:
I could have fought harder to save the marriage; but
the emotional price was too high, and I felt that it was better to move on.
Best advice:
1. Keep things amenable; I had to apply for a restraining order against my
wife that took a heavy toll on everyone. We’re in a much better place
now and have a workable relationship.
2. Don’t relocate five times in six years.
What’s next:
I’d originally planned to stay in Singapore, but am now
making plans to return to the US. The biggest challenge will be visitation,
as my ex-wife will remain in Singapore.
Two expats
recount
their divorce
stories