319 338
COUNSELLING
319
June14
TWO’S COMPANY
Acouplewith relationship issues inBaltimore, Berne or Brisbane
won’t necessarily be better off in Bukit Timah. The strains of
living abroad can be many and varied, and problems that exist
even
before
you embark on an overseas posting are not likely
to go away – in fact, they’re more likely to be exacerbated by
the stress of adjusting to an unfamiliar environment.
How could it be otherwise? Long working hours can put a
strain on even the best of marriages. What’s more, especially
in this part of the world, opportunities for infidelity abound for
an unhappy breadwinner, especially one who spends more
time in foreign cities than at home.
Psychologists
Rachael Walden
(Brazilian) and
Kirstyn
Mitchell
(a New Zealander) have extensive experience
working with infidelity, communication problems between
partners, and intimacy issues.
“Topping the list,” says Rachael, “is the feeling that they
have grown apart, along with issues relating to being a trailing
spouse. Communication suffers, and they find themselves
arguing frequently and unconstructively.”
All need not be lost though, she adds. “Couple therapy
can address whatever problems exist, and help to get a
once-wonderful relationship back on track, so that it’s again
fulfilling for both partners.”
Both Rachael and Kirstyn have received Level 3 training in
the Gottman Method of Couple’s Therapy, and utilise these
skills in their work. This research-based intervention is for all
couples, not just those in crisis; it focuses on strengthening
the bonds between people and helping couples recognise
when things get “off track”.
ARE YOU
DEPRESSED?
SHRI SWAMINATHAN
answers our questions:
What is
depression?
D e p r e s s i o n i s a
treatable psychological
disorder that is the
l ead i ng c au s e o f
disability worldwide. At its worst, depression can lead
to suicide, so it’s important to seek help.
What are the symptoms of depression?
Sadness is a normal human emotion and feeling sad is
in itself not clinical depression. Signs of depression are
depressed or sad mood, loss of interest or pleasure,
feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or
appetite, low energy and poor concentration. These
problems can become chronic or recurrent and affect
one’s ability to take care of everyday responsibilities.
What causes it?
Many factors work together to cause depression.
• Some persons have a
biological vulnerability
in
the form of abnormalities in neurotransmitters and
other chemicals in the brain.
•
Negative thinking patterns
associated with low
self-esteem, unrealistic expectations and sensitivity
to criticism can make depression more likely.
• A
stressful life event
such as a relationship break-
up, being bullied, the death of a loved one, the
loss of job or even the birth of a baby can trigger
depression.
Most people cope with stressors adequately and
even learn new skills from the experience. For some
however, these events lead to clinical depression.
How is chronic or severe depression treated?
A combination of medication and psychotherapy is
often most effective. Psychotherapy facilitates the
learning of new cognitive (thinking) skills and improves
long-term coping. It even leads to changes in the
functioning and the structure of the brain, in ways that
are similar to what medication achieves!
I think I may be depressed. What should I do?
Consult a psychologist or other mental health
professional. A healthy diet, good sleep habits and
regular exercise will go a long way to help you beat
depression. Exercise is an effective anti-depressant,
and is the cheapest and most easily available!
What is the Gottman Method?
It’s a therapy that focuses on
the individuals learning
skills to keep connected and refrain from causing pain
to each other.
The therapist
is present, but on the sideline – a bit like
a sporting coach would be.
In a 90-minute interview
, the therapist assesses the
“state of play” of the relationship.
Take-home questionnaires
are completed individually
and returned to the therapist. A one-on-one session allows
the individual’s feelings, behaviours, and their commitment
to the relationship to be explored.
Together, the couple and the therapist
then resume
sessions, with the aim of agreeing on goals and what the
focus of the “training” will be.
In each session
, the therapist explains a new approach,
and why it works to repair a relationship, and then
observes as the couple put the new skills into play.
The result
is the couple feeling empowered to make a
difference in their own lives, an increased connection
between them, and pride that they have successfully
turned their relationship into something they once again
feel good about.