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PARTING SHOT
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November14
T
hen came the traveller; not the one
who hikes quietly in mountains, but
the larger-than-life “must take a picture
with every sculpture in Madame
ussauds” kind of traveller. The one that made
trips intensely and frequently.
And then came the rise of a new creature
– the Expat Creature. This creature is from
somewhere permanent, but hasn’t lived there
in so long that home is now a vacation spot.
They are up-rooted and re-rooted ever so often
for an indefinite period of time. It’s almost like
a new state has emerged that has no distinct
location yet is identifiable in its characteristics.
And so this Expat Creature moves to
Singapore, from wherever, and develops a
new band of “settling in” tactics. Undoubtedly,
if this is you, the following thoughts would have
crossed your mind at some point.
Just a flight away, I was two dress sizes
smaller. And the number of stores that carry the
upsize seems to have shrunk. Everyone here
is clearly eating all day and never moving from
XS. I don’t need a dietician; I need a shrink.
Speaking of shrink, everything else from real
estate to parking lots seems to have shrunk.
Is that really a bedroom? Will a bed and a
person fit in it?
Next comes the hair – beach hair at its best.
But you aren’t at the beach. So you try a blow
dry, and then it goes back to beach hair. Then
you try products and – whoa! – they help and
you feel pleased again. Then it rains; and the
short run from the car into your destination
brings the beach hair right back.
What has happened to the price of cereal?
How can chicken porridge be cheaper than
cereal? Is wheat in short supply?
And, really: wine! The second coming needs
to be advanced – someone needs to turn water
into wine, and quickly. Ah well, where can I
find the schedule of champagne brunches
everyone’s talking about?
Is Singlish a language? Has “can” moved
from being an auxiliary verb to being a whole
H e r e ’ s y o u r
chance to get
published –
andmake some
money at the
same time. We’re
looking for 500-
word written contributions
on any funny, poignant, practical or
even controversial topic that touches
on expat life in Singapore. Simply
email your stories in a Word document
to
contribute@expatliving.sg andwe’ll
consider them for inclusion in an
upcoming issue.
By Geeta Colaco
For a long time, many moons ago, not many travelled – or not much, at least.
Or they travelled only for work, took a few scenic pictures, got their feet wet and
went back home. Home was constant. Travel was incidental.
Musings of an Expat Creature
sentence? Why is it if I have more words,
I’m less understood? Does nobody get my
humour?
Isn’t the knife missing from the cutlery in
the food court?
Why can’t I return stuff for cash back?
So I either live in a home, or drive a car, it
seems… that decision was made faster than
I thought.
I went to check out some of the international
schools. Found one that’s simply perfect for my
six-year-old. Yay! The waitlist is four years long;
my contract runs out in two. Many decisions
are being taken faster than I thought.
Balinese teak is clearly the new IKEA.
So when the back of a box says “store in a
cool, dry place” it means the refrigerator!
Singapore does have a winter: in cinemas
and conference rooms.
What is hand, foot and mouth disease? Why
do bugs sound so much scarier here?
There is a world as fluid as mine is – from
support groups to shopping – it exists “online”.
Ah well, I think I do too.